Confusion

I have a friend Kevin who is also battling Hodgkin's lymphoma. He said just recently that he's just tired of the chemo and the nausea and the fatigue. I feel the exact same way. I'm just over the body aches the most...it's all so emotionally and physically exhausting. With me, it's not as if the body aches themselves are completely miserable, but you can't imagine have much it breaks down the spirit and the mind. Jim is constantly asking why I postpone or even refuse to take my pain meds when they do ease both the pain and I guess it's pretty much depression that comes with the pain...but I really haven't been able to explain or understand myself why. The pain meds are narcotics because I'm not allowed Tylenol or anything like that that will mask a fever. There's just something about taking the narcotics on a regular basis that bugs me. I'm taking low dosages and not abusing it so it's not like I'm worried that I'll become addicted. There's a lot about this battle that I don't necessarily understand my own mind processes and thoughts.